


Minion Mambo

by conceptofzero



Category: Despicable Me (Movies), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 09:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19742758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conceptofzero/pseuds/conceptofzero
Summary: July 9, 2010 - Despicable Me is released, receiving mostly positive reviews and grossing over $543 million worldwide.March 18, 2012 - Ungalo unleashes 「BOHEMIAN RHASPODY」





	Minion Mambo

The hardest part was waiting. After twenty-two years, four more days should have meant nothing to him. But that was the thing, wasn't it? Those long years never had an end in sight. Without any fixed date to look forward to, he had been able to let the days flows through his fingers like so many grains of sand on a beach. But now, there was an end, and it was so soon he could taste it. He just had to stay hidden for long enough to make it to the final destination - to the place where gravity was at its weakest. Soon, he would finally grasp what had always been just beyond his reach. 

Ungalo had already been sent in to fight, and Rikiel was close behind, a backup in case the seemingly invincible power of Bohemian Rhapsody was defeated. If he had learned anything from Egypt, it was that nothing was invincible, besides fate itself. So, with two of Brando's blood sent to fight, Pucci was waiting at the hospital with the still unconscious third son, so he could be put to use as well.

He was hungry but reluctant to leave Donatello's room to find somewhere worth eating. He hadn't seen what the cafeteria had but he wasn't so far gone that he was ready to try that. Perhaps he could have something delivered. They were a few nearby vending machines with pre-packaged snacks. They looked to be similar to the ones in the break room at the prison. Maybe they were stocked by the same company. That seems likely. At least that meant he could get some salted nuts instead of having to debate on which deep-fried corn snack was the least likely to make him feel sick. 

"Haba pobrush anda hupa hupa palahopa." A small child gibbers at Pucci from somewhere just out of sight. He's too exhausted for this, but as long as he's in his robes, he has to expect this. He bites back an exhausted sound and steels himself for an inane conversation.

"Yes, my child?" He looks down, prepared to see what will undoubtedly be a grubby, snot-covered gremlin. 

Instead, his eyes fall on a pill-shaped, yellow creature with goggles on its face. Pucci reacts first, calling on Whitesnake instinctively and slashing a hand at the stand below him. Instead, Whitesnake's hand smashes through the head like it's made out of something soft and partly rotten, ejecting a disc across the hallway in the process. Whatever this thing is, it's not purely a stand. It falls onto its knees, babbling incoherently before it finishes keeling over and splatters over the hallway, some thick, viscous liquid flowing from the wound. The smell is deeply unpleasant and he quickly steps back. 

"Oooooooh, Stuart! Nooooooo!" Another of those gibbering voices swells up from behind Pucci and as he spins around, he finds himself utterly surrounded by the yellow creatures. The ringleader waddles over to Stuart and kneels there, melodramatically yelling and howling in what sounds like a creole of various romantic languages. Oddly enough, though he recognizes that the words being said together make no sense, he can instantly understand the intent of them. 

While the screaming creature shakes the corpse, the next tallest one waddles over to Pucci and gibbers at him with that same sharp intent carrying over his words. Within a moment, Pucci comes to understand that these creatures are here for him, to-

To serve him? 

"Loco big boss speaka speaka, neh banga Minions nah, hahaha, okay okay?" He makes a spinning motion with his black-gloved hands, gesturing to the wave of yellow creatures behind him. Minions. They're called minions. And they're here to serve him, because he's the most important person alive at this moment. 

Fate at work once more. Pucci crouches down to get a better look at them. They're not terribly intelligent from what he can see - two of them are in some kind of a slapfight, another one is cramming his gloved hand into his neighbour's mouth to retrieve something, and the rest of the crowd is attentive in a way that he associates most strongly with the barely restrained chaos of children waiting for the pastor to hand out the grape juice and necco wafers for Sunday School's fake Communion. 

"Yes, I see." He says, and straightens back up. While they’re incredibly off-putting to behold, Pucci isn’t about to turn away this gift that fate has sent him. Their barely restrained chaotic energy can be put to good use. "I have a task for you. The SPW Foundation will be searching for me. I need all of you to occupy them." 

"Ya ya, okay, kill them!" the minion chants out to riotous noise and applause from the others. Chairs are ripped from the walls and hoisted over their heads, and someone produces a torch from somewhere. A little crude, and undeniably cartoonish. That settles it. They must be part of Bohemian Rhapsody. 

"Yes, go on," he tells the crowd, and watches as they march through the corridors and out of sight. 

Something tugs on his pant leg. It's the other minion, the one who was shaking the corpse. He's got one eye and half of his goggle is filled with tears, sloshing around underneath the glass as he gibbers and points to his friend, begging Pucci to bring him back. The corpse is still leaking liquid. It's going to shortly become a tripping hazard. Pucci takes pity on him, and removes the disc from his head as well. What comes out is mostly blank, only a few thin lines of memory on it. He barely needs to look to confirm what he knows to be true now - this creature came into being the moment they were summoned by Ungalo's stand. It's not real at all. 

He discards the disc in the trash and wipes his hand off, leaving the yellow corpses in the hall to be taken care of by someone else. Pucci pulls his wallet out and feeds a $20 into the machine, selecting the salted nuts. 

"HABA BANANAAAAAAA!" comes a rallying cry from behind him, and Pucci turns around. The flood of minions comes swarming back through, yelling and carrying various stolen hospital equipment over their heads. He steps out of their path as they stampede past, trampling over the corpse and the still-dying minion. By the time their numbers abate, there's only one last lonely yelling minion with a trash can on his head. Pucci watches as he runs head first into the machine, scattering Enrico's change over the ground, before he spins in a circle and falls over. 

Pucci steps over the minion, deciding that he doesn't need the change that badly. After all, in Heaven, he won't need to eat out of vending machines. 

\--

Morton Delux should be back in Dallas, but for various reasons he couldn’t quite explain, he was in Miami. He’s a researcher, not a field agent, and he has absolutely no combat potential. But here he is anyway, sitting cross-legged in front of a ground of very loud and rowdy yellow Minions. 

“No no no, porque macca singy yacca, baka baka idiot, uhhhhh, splaty phff hahahaha, oh! Nada macchina parfait ooooh big ospedale, locco aubergine Boss, woo-ho-ho! Lookit you!! Celebob ah, okay okay, camminare fast fast paspiration phfff, snap, ahhhhh!” Tim explains their long and somewhat exhausting journey to Mo, walking him through the dangers they faced just making their way to the SPW’s temporary headquarters, which they were now gathered outside of with a number of make-shift weapons. 

“Yes, I imagine dogs are quite the threat.” Mo was having the time of his life. It was rare that stands manifested in a way that he could see, and even rarer that he had the pleasure of hearing a language he couldn’t speak but intuitively knowing what was meant anyway. “And then you walked along the highway?”

“Si strada stew ahhhhhhhh!” Tim flailed about and his energy was contagious to the rest of the minions, who also started screaming and running into one another, depicting the utter chaos they had caused along the Dolphin Expressway. “Habba cabbage madda doka peepe lah, ahhhh pancake!” 

“It sounds terrifying.” Mo sympathizes and the minions all nod along - as best as a creature can nod when they don’t have necks. They do seem to be incredibly flexible. 

“Morta buddies huah ooohh desviado.” Tim’s goggles were swimming with tears. Mo wordlessly opened his arms and invited him in for a hug, and was promptly swarmed by the entire mob, all weeping and wailing. Their weapons were discarded, and Mo’s real objective - distracting them from causing further damage - was promptly achieved. 

The only real tragedy was that they all vanished about ten minutes later, before Mo could possibly hug every last one of them.


End file.
